Supernova
by Olexia Engel
Summary: Suicide fic. Duo yearns for death.


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**SUPERNOVA, by Olexia Engel**

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**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I do not own Gundam Wing.

**Reviews:** Yes, please!

**Warnings:** Bad language, character death, angst, (implied) yaoi.

**Summary:** Suicide fic. Duo yearns for death.

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I hate life.

I hate everything. Everyone.

Quatre, Trowa, Wufei… Heero. You fuckers. I hate you all.

This box of pills clenched in my fist, this bottle of whiskey nestled between my legs…

What a classy way to leave this world.

My laughter echoes through the empty apartment.

I'm not kidding this time, guys. I'm gonna do it for real. I'm gonna swallow these pills, one by one, and then guzzle this fine whiskey. And I'll do it all with a smile.

My skin tingles, my head spins with excitement.

Not like you'd give a damn anyway. You're all wrapped up in your own perfect lives. You don't care about poor, pathetic me. You never did.

Heero? Where are you, Heero? You bastard. Abandoning me like this. Why don't you return my calls? Grown tired of me already?

There's a lump in my throat.

You lowlife… you player.

I'm breaking out in a sweat. My cheeks are wet. Am I crying again?

Relena couldn't keep you, so I guess this shouldn't come as a surprise. I should have known you would leave me too. It was only a matter of time.

Heartbreak was always on the cards.

You know, Hee-chan, I never thought I'd go like this. Simply slip away… unnoticed.

My mouth feels so dry.

I always thought I'd go out with a bang, you know, that my death would be like some great supernova. Not like this. Alone, depressed… empty.

I'm a little scared, to tell you the truth. You know, of what to expect. But I guess the whiskey will numb my senses, kill any jitters, any emotion. It'll be like falling asleep – only without the nightmares.

I'll drift into sweet oblivion.

My shirt's damp. I'm still sweating. Why am I so nervous? I want this.

Bartender… I'm almost ready to taste your finest whiskey, to feel it burn down my throat. Give me a moment to compose myself, then I'll down it. I promise.

I wonder how long I've been sat here, slumped against this wall. My neck feels stiff, my hands are trembling.

The whiskey bottle glints in the setting sun.

Hold your horses, Bartender. Sheesh – don't be so pushy. In a minute, okay?

The box of pills almost slips out of my hand. My laugh is loud, sharp. Don't worry, my little friends, I haven't forgotten about you. You'll be taking a swim down my throat. The whiskey will help you along. Soon. I promise.

I'm shivering. Why is it so cold in here? Did I leave a window open?

Bartender. How did my life become so… shitty? Where did it all go wrong? I used to be so upbeat, so carefree, so… happy. I'd give anything to feel like that again.

My stomach's cramping. I had a pizza earlier on, but I don't think it's agreeing with me. The pepperoni tasted a little… off.

Those bastards. Holidaying on L5. What a swell time they must all be having. Laughing, joking, drinking… without me. Insensitive pricks.

I wonder if they've heard from Heero…

Probably not. That asshole hasn't got a care in the world.

I pulsate with rage.

Screw you, Heero Yuy. I don't care now either – I don't give a flaming toss. I'll make a toast to you. I'll make a toast to the lot of ya.

Next time you see me, I'll be in a coffin. And I hope you stare into my vacant eyes real deep. Because you won't find any emotion there. Not an ounce. They'll be cold and blank and empty. Just like my heart.

I look at the clock and watch the minutes tick by. Bartender's growing impatient.

Man, I'd give anything to hear your voice, Heero. Just one last time. I wonder what you'd say, if I phoned you right now and told you what I'm about to do. Would you come save me?

Let me try… just one last time. Let's see… aha! Here's my phone, let me just check if I've got enough credit… awesome! I'm dialling your number now, Hee-chan. Are you ready to pick up?

Damn… straight onto voicemail. Oh well…

Hee-chan, baby, it's me, Duo. Listen, I'm about to top myself. And, no, I'm not kidding. Want me to change my mind? Then phone me back. Phone me back within the next five minutes. Got it?

The screen flashes green. Message sent.

I release a long sigh. I guess all that's left to do now is wait. Come on, Heero! Phone me back. My life's on the line. It's your call. Hurry up, baby, the clock's ticking…

My stomach's doing somersaults. Why isn't he phoning me back? For fuck's sake, Heero, time's almost up. Do you want me to die?

That's it. Game over. I'm done waiting. Bartender, I'm ready for that drink.

My cell phone flies across the room. It lands next to the bin.

My hands are shaking. I open the box of pills quickly. Wait! This box is fucking empty! Where are my pills, my special friends? They've gone!

Bartender, where did my friends go? Did you see them run away? Why are you smiling? What have you done?

My heart's thudding in my chest.

The whiskey bottle… it's empty too. How come I never noticed before? Bartender, quit fooling around. I want my whiskey. I want it now.

Another painful stomach cramp. Shit, what's happening to me?

My phone starts ringing from across the room. Heero? Is that you?

Hang on, baby, I'm coming… let me just get to my feet.

Whoa, why's everything spinning? Bartender, did you put me on this carousel? Make it stop – I wanna get off. I'm gonna throw up!

A wave of despair and the whiskey bottle smashes against the wall. Sorry, Bartender. That was an accident. Please don't get angry with me…

Hang on. Why is my face so close to the carpet? Did I just topple over? I… don't remember falling.

Blood. There's blood pooling around my head. I can see it… soaking into the grey carpet. I must have landed on broken glass.

The phone's still ringing…

Bartender, let me up. I need to speak to Heero. I need to tell him I can change. I'll clean up my act, I'll cut my hair. I won't be so clingy, so pushy. Please, Heero, I'll do anything. Anything to change. Anything to make you happy, to make you love me.

Why are you looking at me like that, Bartender? What do you mean I swallowed all the pills? No, I didn't drink the whiskey – you did!

Come on, stop messing with me. You know I was only joking – I was never going to top myself. I've got too much to live for. I was only fucking about. I'm too scared to die! I'm a coward! Wufei will tell you that!

Heero! Hold on! I'm coming, baby! Don't hang up… I'm coming!

Why can't I move my legs? I'm… numb from the waist down. I really need to throw up… but I can't.

Help me! Somebody! Anybody! Please!

I'm screaming as hard as I can, but no sound's coming out.

My head's pounding. My heart's hammering. Everything's spinning, round and round. Bartender! Stop this carousel! Now!

I… I can't breathe!

Heero! Help me! I'm suffocating!

My body's convulsing.

This was an accident, a mistake! I'm not ready to die!

Bartender? Where did you go?

My eyes – they're sliding shut! Stay open, dammit!

Lights… what are all these glorious lights? Flashing purples and sparkling blues, vibrant green and glittering gold…

A dazzling explosion of colour. I smile inside. My very own supernova.

_…Solo? Is that you?_

**Owari**

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**A/N:** Thank you very much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Please take the time to review; feedback is much appreciated.

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